The eyes tell a lot about a person. I notice people's eyes more these days. I think it is because I see my mom's changing. When you look into someone eyes, you can see who they are. The horrible thing about Dementia is it strips the person of their memories and those make up a person. When the memories start to go, the eyes change. Eyes that once had life and sparkle start to look dull and at you with a void. Eyes that once looked at your with recognition, now look at you with confusion. I am starting to see the life go out of her eyes and yet physically, she is still here.
I try to tell myself that the disease is changing her and that if she was in her right mind, she would know who I am. She would look at me with recognition. Her eyes would be full of life and sparkle. It just reminds me that this disease takes your loved one away little by little. It is a gradual and painful process for everyone. Especially for me, as I watch her slowly disappear and with each stage of the disease, I grieve. I cry for the person she was, I cry for who she is now and I cry for what will happen in the future. I ache for the mom she was. I ache for the talks we had. I ache for the things that we no longer are able to do. All I can do is love her and sometimes that has to be enough.
Laurie... Thanks for this blog! I just read the WHOLE thing this morning and was so blessed to read of the love between a daughter and her mom. Thanks for your transparency... and most of all, for the love you have shown and still, obviously, show to your mom. I agree about her giggle... as you wrote about it, I could hear it - and that goes back 50 years!! Just want you to know that we (Barb and I) commit to praying for you as you continue on this journey!
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