The one thing that I have learned from all the time that I spend with my mom at the nursing home is that hospice doesn't always mean death. I used to think that. In most cases, people don't go on hospice until they are close to dying. For my mom and I it means help.
After an exhausting 2 weeks of ER trips every couple of days in March, I made the decision to put my mom on hospice. I knew by doing this it didn't mean she was dying soon. I knew that they could help us with her pain medicine and make changes to some of her other meds to see if we can keep her comfortable. With the late stage that my mom is in, you don't know if she is in pain and where that pain might be. It is a guessing game. You watch her facial expressions and her agitation. Those are the only signs we have. Can she be in pain and grinding her teeth, sure. Does she understand what she is doing, no. That means I need to do something to keep her comfortable.
I met with the hospice on the Monday that my father in law died. I sometimes wonder if all the trips to the ER was God trying to get my attention. Was He getting me to the point where I would accept Hospice, maybe. Was her jaw coming out because of the Botox, maybe. Did I need more help with her care, YES! That Monday she was signed up with hospice. They brought her a new bed, a new wheelchair and a new air mattress to help her be comfortable.
For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel alone in this. Yes, the staff at the nursing home is wonderful and I call many of them friends. But they have so many other residents that they are in charge of. They take excellent care of my mom and I am so grateful for all of them, but I needed more one on one help. That is where hospice comes in. The hospice nurse is wonderful. The social worker knows all about lock jaw because her ex husband had it. The chaplain sits with my mom and reads the Bible to her. The chaplain calls me to see how I am doing.
Everything hospice does for my mom is about making her comfortable. That is a huge blessing and praise for me. See I can't make her comfortable all the time. Yes, I think I can help when we are at the ER and I am talking to her. But I can't take the pain away. I can't change this for her. At least with hospice, they can help her with medicine. They can change any medicine at any time to make her comfortable. They visit her on days that I am not there and that brings me comfort.
It takes special people to be hospice workers. They are full of compassion and care so much for their patients and family members. I am so glad that I made the decision to get hospice care for my mom. I know she is in the late stages of this awful disease and I can't change that. But I can at least make sure she is comfortable and hopefully not in pain. God continues to bring amazing people into our path through this. I am grateful for them all.
