Emotionally this week has been draining. My mom is fine right now. She is stable and happy. But this week was her birthday. She turned 63. It is hard to believe we have been dealing with this for 7 years. As the years go by, the way she was before the Dementia seems like another lifetime ago.
Today, I did the Walk for Alzheimer's. It was the 1st year I have been able to participate. As I am driving the City Park, I was remembering how my mom used to do this drive 5 days a week when she worked at PSL for the Volunteer Department. She used to be able to work and drive. Now, she can't even feed herself. How can this be the same person?
I went to see her on her birthday. No, she won't remember and probably didn't have any idea that is was her birthday. I do it for me. I do it for my memories of her. Is it easy, no. Do I ache and cry, yes. But I need to be there with her. It makes me feel better most of the time.
I don't know what next year will bring. I can only hope and pray that this time next year, I will be celebrating her 64th birthday and still carrying a Yellow Flower for the Alzheimer's walk. That color means caring for someone with Alzheimer's. I dread the Purple Flower, that is in memory of someone who has died from Alzheimer's. But I know one day this horrible disease will take my mom completely away from me, both in mind and body. Selfishly, I say not yet....because what will I do and who will I be when she is gone?
